F
E
A
R
This word has become so tangible to me.
I'm finding that the bigger my dreams become, the bigger my temptation to fear becomes.
"How will any of this ever happen?"
"What will people think?"
"What if I fail?"
"What if people think I'm crazy?"
Basically, these can all be summed up into this one fear: Man.
These are the questions that stampede and scream through my brain when I start to worry.
I have two choices when these worries hit me: I can dwell, or I can PRAY.
The fact is that the more reason I have to fear on earth, the more I'm forced to fear the One who made earth.
It's not that fear is our problem, it's that we fear our problem. If I could shift my fear into the proper direction, all other fear would fade away.
If I could fear God in reverence, abandonment, trust, and sovereignty... If I could actually believe His promises are true and He is who He says, all fear of man would cease to exist.
Truly fear God, and all other fear will slowly fade away.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Invisible Staircase
2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we live by believing and not by seeing."
Sometimes, all the unknown of my future overwhelms me.
Sometimes, I just want to know what my life will look like next year, next month, or even just tomorrow.
As scary and maddening as it can be, that's exactly what makes it the exciting and intimate journey that it is.
The phrase (and top hit song by Jordin Sparks) "One step at a time" has become so real to me.
As I have no clue where money, resources, answers, specific plans, or honestly anything will come from, I have no reason not to believe God knows every single detail that I don't. I'm learning that THIS IS FAITH.
It is God whispering the question, "Will you still take the next step even if you can't see it in front of you?"
It's walking on water. It's walking upon the impossible trusting that God will somehow make it possible the moment your foot hits it.
I see my journey here on earth as a staircase.
If I decide to build up my own stairs like the the people did in Genesis 11, it will lead to chaos-- to failure. The staircase God asks us to walk up towards heaven can't be seen or touched. It's invisible. Yet it's more certain than any concrete stairs we build ourselves, because it's built by the only one who IS unchanging. (Hebrews 13:8)
With each step in front of us, He doesn't promise any answer of what the step will be made of, how it will feel, or what it will look like; He only promises it will be there... And that HE will walk upon it beside us.
One day, my feet will approach the last step... The step off of earth and into heaven forever.
The stairs between here and there are unknown. But they are known by the author and designer of the staircase. And that's all I need to know.
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives assurance about things we cannot see."
Sometimes, all the unknown of my future overwhelms me.
Sometimes, I just want to know what my life will look like next year, next month, or even just tomorrow.
As scary and maddening as it can be, that's exactly what makes it the exciting and intimate journey that it is.
The phrase (and top hit song by Jordin Sparks) "One step at a time" has become so real to me.
As I have no clue where money, resources, answers, specific plans, or honestly anything will come from, I have no reason not to believe God knows every single detail that I don't. I'm learning that THIS IS FAITH.
It is God whispering the question, "Will you still take the next step even if you can't see it in front of you?"
It's walking on water. It's walking upon the impossible trusting that God will somehow make it possible the moment your foot hits it.
I see my journey here on earth as a staircase.
If I decide to build up my own stairs like the the people did in Genesis 11, it will lead to chaos-- to failure. The staircase God asks us to walk up towards heaven can't be seen or touched. It's invisible. Yet it's more certain than any concrete stairs we build ourselves, because it's built by the only one who IS unchanging. (Hebrews 13:8)
With each step in front of us, He doesn't promise any answer of what the step will be made of, how it will feel, or what it will look like; He only promises it will be there... And that HE will walk upon it beside us.
One day, my feet will approach the last step... The step off of earth and into heaven forever.
The stairs between here and there are unknown. But they are known by the author and designer of the staircase. And that's all I need to know.
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives assurance about things we cannot see."
Friday, April 19, 2013
Flip Flopped Feet and Flip Flopped Plans
When I arrived in this Southern place I could finally wear flip-flops on my feet, God flip-flopped my world around.
After having to come home from college last semester, which was definitely NOT in my plan or will, I spent that semester at home.
I hated it. Everything about it.
But in that time, He broke me, shaped me, grew me, and was doing a heck of a lot more than I could see beyond my pain and frustration of my circumstance.
I got to share Jesus and His joy with everyone who came in through the doors of my job. Everyday He was still somehow using my brokenness to shine His glory. He was preparing me.
Everyday-- I worked, I ran, I cried, I slept. That was my semester.
When I finally decided to stop fighting with God on how I thought my life was supposed to go at home, that's when I decided to start a new adventure and trust God with something fresh.
I had a scheduled trip to South Africa with an organization for three months in September. So MY plan was to move to Alabama, live with my relatives here, and just work my butt off to raise money for the trip.
[STRONG EMPHASIS ON THE WORD "MY"]
While that all sounds like a great plan, that wasn't what God quite had in mind for me. While I'm still in the midst of Him laying out my journey day by day, I'm going to try my best to share just one piece of what He has done so far.
I was having a conversation with a customer about life and I mentioned something small about always having a heart for Uganda and eventually thinking I'd end up there someday with something of my own. He stopped me and said: "So why aren't you going there?"
I just kinda looked at him and responded: "Oh... I actually don't know".
I'm not even exaggerating in the slightest that since that day, I have YET for a day to pass without meeting someone who's been TO Uganda, has an organization there, or a connection there. Literally EVERY SINGLE DAY. From customers in my jobs, to strangers at the bar, to people I meet at Panera.
I've even had strangers prophesy things to my face about working with orphans and being a mother to many. Yeah, it freaks me out too.
Since that day, God's made it abundantly clear that is where I'm supposed to go through everyone I meet.
I'm watching Him literally change all of my passions and dreams into HIS. It's terrifying, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's inspired pages and pages of notes, ideas, and dreams for the children whose names someday I'll know and call my own.
Do I have any clue how they'll all come to be? Absolutely not :)
BUT HE DOES!
That's how I know every dream is from Him.... Because no effort of mine could accomplish any of them.
And He has been showing me small pieces of the puzzle everyday that I'll continue to let HIM put in place.
But I had to get out of the way first. What I wanted had to be taken away so that what He wanted could take it's place.
And I'm gonna keep walking with Him one day at a time as He provides more than I ever could imagine.
After having to come home from college last semester, which was definitely NOT in my plan or will, I spent that semester at home.
I hated it. Everything about it.
But in that time, He broke me, shaped me, grew me, and was doing a heck of a lot more than I could see beyond my pain and frustration of my circumstance.
I got to share Jesus and His joy with everyone who came in through the doors of my job. Everyday He was still somehow using my brokenness to shine His glory. He was preparing me.
Everyday-- I worked, I ran, I cried, I slept. That was my semester.
When I finally decided to stop fighting with God on how I thought my life was supposed to go at home, that's when I decided to start a new adventure and trust God with something fresh.
I had a scheduled trip to South Africa with an organization for three months in September. So MY plan was to move to Alabama, live with my relatives here, and just work my butt off to raise money for the trip.
[STRONG EMPHASIS ON THE WORD "MY"]
While that all sounds like a great plan, that wasn't what God quite had in mind for me. While I'm still in the midst of Him laying out my journey day by day, I'm going to try my best to share just one piece of what He has done so far.
I was having a conversation with a customer about life and I mentioned something small about always having a heart for Uganda and eventually thinking I'd end up there someday with something of my own. He stopped me and said: "So why aren't you going there?"
I just kinda looked at him and responded: "Oh... I actually don't know".
I'm not even exaggerating in the slightest that since that day, I have YET for a day to pass without meeting someone who's been TO Uganda, has an organization there, or a connection there. Literally EVERY SINGLE DAY. From customers in my jobs, to strangers at the bar, to people I meet at Panera.
I've even had strangers prophesy things to my face about working with orphans and being a mother to many. Yeah, it freaks me out too.
Since that day, God's made it abundantly clear that is where I'm supposed to go through everyone I meet.
I'm watching Him literally change all of my passions and dreams into HIS. It's terrifying, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's inspired pages and pages of notes, ideas, and dreams for the children whose names someday I'll know and call my own.
Do I have any clue how they'll all come to be? Absolutely not :)
BUT HE DOES!
That's how I know every dream is from Him.... Because no effort of mine could accomplish any of them.
And He has been showing me small pieces of the puzzle everyday that I'll continue to let HIM put in place.
But I had to get out of the way first. What I wanted had to be taken away so that what He wanted could take it's place.
And I'm gonna keep walking with Him one day at a time as He provides more than I ever could imagine.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Once upon a time in Opelika, Alabama...
These last two months look like a fairytale to me.
Literally.
When I look back over ALL that's happened, all that's changed, all the people I've met, and all that has been provided for me, I have no words. I'm speechless.
Not the kind of fairytale you find at Disney World... but one that only God could write. Minus the talking animals and princess dresses, I'd say the magical wonder of impossibilities is very much the same.
At the end of every single work day on my tired drives home, all I can do is LAUGH. Not just chuckle... I mean laugh so hard I cry and scream. The only words I have left inside my lungs by the time I crawl into bed at night are: "God, did you really do that ALL today? You are so good. You are so real."
It was a 12 hour spontaneous decision to move to Opelika, Alabama from Toledo, Ohio back in late January of this year. But it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made.
God did something when I got here. He showed me who He was. He captured my heart with His love like never before.
It's like when I got here, all the prayers I've ever prayed started to come to life.
"God, use me."
"God, change my heart to be like Yours."
"God, give me dreams and passions for Your mission".
It was my third day in Alabama. I was driving back to my new home after a long day of job searching and trying to get connected with others. My sunroof and windows were open and I had Kim Walker blasting out of my 1995 Honda Accord. I had never felt so FREE... So full of peace and JOY. I was singing (actually screaming) along with the music and flying down the hills of Alabama the Beautiful with billions of stars all around me:
"I will pursue You. I will pursue Your presence."
If you know anything about Jesus Culture music, you know that any song of theirs lasting shorter than ten minutes doesn't exist. About 7 minutes into the song, I began to feel hot tears stream down my face.
The Lord hit me like a huge brick house. I realized in my heart that I was serious. I would seriously pursue Him and His presence at every cost and above all else. I saw the sacrifice He required for the love He intended. His love was so real to me in that moment that I just cried. I bawled. I let go. I surrendered. I could see a small vortex in front me holding pain, unknown, being misunderstood, loneliness, struggle, suffering... most of all: earth... All swirling around in a chaotic mix before me. That's when I sung all the louder: "I will pursue Your presence".
No matter what was about to come my way, I knew that it didn't matter. I knew that I would choose Him above anything, and He knew it too.
His love makes it nearly impossible to choose anything else. When you experience HIS love, HIS joy, and HIS heart, pursuing anything BUT His presence seems absolutely insane...
So that's what I started to do in a way like never before.
and THAT is when He began to
BLOW
MY
MIND.
Literally.
When I look back over ALL that's happened, all that's changed, all the people I've met, and all that has been provided for me, I have no words. I'm speechless.
Not the kind of fairytale you find at Disney World... but one that only God could write. Minus the talking animals and princess dresses, I'd say the magical wonder of impossibilities is very much the same.
At the end of every single work day on my tired drives home, all I can do is LAUGH. Not just chuckle... I mean laugh so hard I cry and scream. The only words I have left inside my lungs by the time I crawl into bed at night are: "God, did you really do that ALL today? You are so good. You are so real."
It was a 12 hour spontaneous decision to move to Opelika, Alabama from Toledo, Ohio back in late January of this year. But it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made.
God did something when I got here. He showed me who He was. He captured my heart with His love like never before.
It's like when I got here, all the prayers I've ever prayed started to come to life.
"God, use me."
"God, change my heart to be like Yours."
"God, give me dreams and passions for Your mission".
It was my third day in Alabama. I was driving back to my new home after a long day of job searching and trying to get connected with others. My sunroof and windows were open and I had Kim Walker blasting out of my 1995 Honda Accord. I had never felt so FREE... So full of peace and JOY. I was singing (actually screaming) along with the music and flying down the hills of Alabama the Beautiful with billions of stars all around me:
"I will pursue You. I will pursue Your presence."
If you know anything about Jesus Culture music, you know that any song of theirs lasting shorter than ten minutes doesn't exist. About 7 minutes into the song, I began to feel hot tears stream down my face.
The Lord hit me like a huge brick house. I realized in my heart that I was serious. I would seriously pursue Him and His presence at every cost and above all else. I saw the sacrifice He required for the love He intended. His love was so real to me in that moment that I just cried. I bawled. I let go. I surrendered. I could see a small vortex in front me holding pain, unknown, being misunderstood, loneliness, struggle, suffering... most of all: earth... All swirling around in a chaotic mix before me. That's when I sung all the louder: "I will pursue Your presence".
No matter what was about to come my way, I knew that it didn't matter. I knew that I would choose Him above anything, and He knew it too.
His love makes it nearly impossible to choose anything else. When you experience HIS love, HIS joy, and HIS heart, pursuing anything BUT His presence seems absolutely insane...
So that's what I started to do in a way like never before.
and THAT is when He began to
BLOW
MY
MIND.
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