tattooed and renewed

These last few years have brought quite the array of challenges.

Ups and downs. Terrifying leaps and crashing falls.

But I am SO excited FREEDOM is finally here.

Coming out of seasons that seemed like they would NEVER end and breaking free from chains that I thought would NEVER fall off... it's a beautiful and indescribable feeling that fuels me up with endless gratitude for the Father and His patience with me... His constant work to refine & heal behind the pain of my circumstances.

I've spent a lot of time reflecting on where I was, where I came from, how long I was there, and where I am NOW... And honestly it brings tears to my eyes.

I can't even express how excited I am to say "PEACE OUT" to my past and "LETS DO THIS" to my future.

The temptation to focus on all the regrets of what is already behind me loves to greet me every morning very loudly when I wake up. But Jesus is louder, and His "Good Morning" is spoken with a rainbow sunrise. 

I had to share this story of what He did yesterday to remind me even louder:

I got a tattoo sporadically with some of my best friends around 2:30 am on a weekend home from the hospital. I had been wanting one and it just seemed perfect to help encourage me through the rest of treatment and be a physical reminder of how I want to live my life everyday. My talented and wonderful friend, Olivia, helped design the word "Immovable" with a black sharpie on some napkins. I wanted part of my EKG (the chart that monitors your heart rate) designed into it.

 It's from a life verse of mine: "So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." 1 Corinthians 15:58 

To remind me every time I look in the mirror that my heart is immovable in the faith it holds and what it beats for... that I'm standing strong no matter what and nothing I do in life goes without purpose. 

Well at work yesterday, a sweet customer from Lebanon came up to the counter and excitedly said she loved my Arabic tattoo. I laughed and said it's actually an English word. She stopped and said it definitely had an Arabic word engraved into it. I proceeded to freak out with joy and astonishment at this complete and miraculous accident. I asked her WHAT WORD IS IT???

She said: it says, "New"

NEW. As if God couldn't make it any more clear, I am forgiven and I am loved. 

My friend Olivia and I had zero clue that is what the Sharpie was creating with our artistic attempts-- but God did. 

I'm here to tell you today that God is never afraid of your mess and your past. He only sees YOU and where you CAN go, not where you've been. Let Him rewrite your story and make you n e w. Who knows what word He'll engrave upon your heart or speak to you. 

Let His voice be the only One you listen to in the morning amidst all the others. Live out your day with the freedom He's painted throughout the earth and the song He's singing all around you.

"There are far, far better things ahead than what we leave behind". -C.S. Lewis

-Han

identifying your identity

God has given me a big heart for people who are hurting. Specifically for people who are hurting because they've allowed someone else or something else dictate how they see themselves, how they live their lives, or how they evaluate their worth.

I often laugh at the irony in the heart He's given me because I fell under this category for just about my entire life... letting betrayal, heartbreak and abuse determine how much I was worth-- who I was. But I learned that nothing will cripple you faster than your inability to see your worth. 

Your ability to love others, find joy, extend hope, and truly LIVE out your purpose..will be shut down the moment you consider yourself worthless.

It's when we know who we ARE in Christ that love will naturally flow through us like the air in our lungs. Not who we hope we are, or who we want to be, but who we ARE. Because first comes identity, and then comes action. A lot of us try and DO a lot of things to convince people of our identity-- of who we want to be perceived as.
But once we can stop our endlessly exhausting efforts of portraying a fake image to everyone around us, and embrace the image of the One we're MADE in, that is when you can LIVE.

One of our biggest mistakes as people is allowing the pain from our pasts define our present-- this will sabotage your future.

What they said, what they did, what they didn't say, what they didn't do... your shattered heart that accompanies THEIR mistakes does not also shatter your value. 

One of my favorite life sayings is "feelings are not fact". Sometimes I have to hammer it into my stubborn brain all day long until my heart agrees.
In other words,
just because you feel like you're not good enough because someone betrayed you, does not mean it's true.
just because you feel like you're not beautiful because someone told you that, does not mean you're ugly.
just because you feel like you're an object, does not mean that you're not actually a treasure. 
just because you feel like you're not worth fighting for, does not mean you aren't worth the best.
just because you feel like you're alone and will be forever, does not mean that you are.
just because you feel like a hopeless cause trapped in some pattern, does not mean you'll stay there forever.

You are not your mistakes and you are not your pain. You are  L O V E D exactly as you--where you are-- by your Creator. Simply because He says so, and He died for you to prove it. If you still struggle to believe that, just look out your window. 

Every sunset dripping with beauty like a melting box of crayons, every field covered in wildflowers in the sunshine and lightning bugs in the moonlight, every leaf in the autumn breeze, and every snowflake sparkling in the winter sky... they're all reflections of the One who created and sustains them. And WE are made in His likeness even more so. Don't let another sunrise just be a beautiful view, let it be a reminder of who you are-- eternally His and eternally loved.

When you can truly accept THAT to be your identity, you will be immovable.

Society won't change your mind...  a guy, a girl, a friend, a stranger, a  heart break, a feeling, a lie.... nothing will be able to shake your identity once it's set in eternity. 

And once you know your identity, you'll be unstoppable in living it out. The people who constantly waiver between who they are never end up making much of an impact... because they're too busy trying to figure out who they should be, rather than confidently knowing who they already ARE-- the hand of love and hope God's made them to be for the people all around them. Embrace who He has made you to be so you can give away what He's equipped you to share.  Go change the part of the world that God created YOU to do something about. 

-Han