f o g delay

It's there. It's real. 

The image I've been asking for, craving so intensely, and desperately hoping to exist. Others could see it all around me; but my eyes were unable to fully find it.

Because fog creates confusion and makes it hard to breathe. But the more that I chase Jesus, the clearer I can see. 


It's there. It's real. It's dancing in circles around my heart and making me laugh out loud. Precious hope and freedom; oh how beautiful the sound.

If I could paint it in a picture, it would look like the most beautiful burst of sunlight in the darkest cave ever to exist. A beaming orange light from the sky that lands upon your skin and causes warmth that you never want to quit. A ray that echoes hope as it stretches through the darkness. A perfect, sparkling line reaching down from heaven like a shooting star into a seemingly hopeless blackened sky.

It's there. It's real.

And something I am learning as I look it in the eye over and over again is that it was never absent or stolen. I just couldn't see it. It was always there and it was always real. It was just too foggy to find and feel.

Fog is made of pain and doubt. It's swirled up by addiction and anger. It is made thick by abuse behind you. It flares up and multiplies around fear. It's goal is to keep us trapped and keep us off course. It blinds us.

 But it can't last forever. It may last a long, long time, but never forever. And as we relentlessly hold tightly to our Father up in heaven, He will slowly blow it all away. Every single molecule composed of fear and pain, He will evaporate into nothing but vivid skies and bright, beautiful sunny days. 

That's His favorite thing to do for His children. Proven by our sins composed of scarlet, and His ability to make us white as snow.

Fog never changes or steals what it encapsulates; it only covers it up.

But we have to invite Him in. We have to be honest about the fog-- that we cannot see and we need help. That there are things lurking in the fog that terrify us, things that we are ashamed of, things we need to overcome. He is not afraid to enter into the fog-- because He loves us. He wants to walk right into it with You and embrace you first, then blow it all away as He holds you closely. So that finally, as it dissipates and the clouded crevices clear, you can see it in the middle of the room.
You both can gaze upon it together time and time again and stare it in the face from every angle and perspective... You can add to it together and paint it even brighter and more beautiful... You both can bring others out of the fog they are swimming in afraid it will never clear; and you can show them what is there waiting to be found:

F  r  e  e  d  o  m. 

You don't have to be lost any longer; you are worth being found. You are worth being freed. He is waiting to hold your hand and scatter every ounce of fog that causes confusion and keeps you frozen where you are.

New things anxiously await your troubled heart. But first you must be brave enough to start.

"It is finished; It is done. Though our sins are scarlet, You have made us white as snow."

-Han

Perfect Papa

I used to think "childlike faith" meant being a Christian with endless energy and spunky zeal. Like a seemingly battery charged kindergartner on the monkey bars. 

But God is teaching me that is not so much the case at all. It's as simple as it sounds. Approaching our Father like a child. But a fearless child who knows their Father is incapable of letting them down or disappointing their thirsty heart.

Psalm 116:1-2

"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath."

One of my all time favorite Psalms. As I read it this gorgeous, frosty Sunday morning with my pumpkin tainted coffee in hand, I saw a picture exhaled from the words I inhaled.

She is beautiful. A seven year old princess who loves tutus and fairy tales and cheerios with chocolate milk. Her father works all day long and when He comes home for dinner, he spends every other bite of spaghetti checking emails about the office tomorrow. He is constantly working-- constantly doing everything a "dad" is expected to do other than BEING one. She loves to dance and spins relentlessly in front of him hoping he will see her twirl, until she falls over in a dizzy spell. But she is ignored and overlooked by the small device in his hand. She jumps up on his lap to whisper him a secret and he utters words that she hears every single night: "Not right now, Daddy's working." Embarrassed for trying and disappointed by rejection, she stops asking. She stops whispering secrets, and she stops dancing. She is taught that a small rectangle piece of technology with words and pictures matters more than she does. That the people Daddy repeatedly chooses over her must be worth more than she is. Of course she is thankful He provides food for her belly and a place to sleep, but more than that she wants to win his attention and affection. So she thinks she must need to change who she is; and she searches somewhere else.

But a perfect Father up in heaven hears her crying. And He searches for HER. He's won her affection, instead of the other way around. He bends down and leans low from the wonders of heaven and the glory of His Kingdom just to hear her whisper secrets in His ear. He never tires of putting meetings on hold or missing important calls or pausing all of heaven just to hear what His daughter has to say. His job is more taxing than anyones' on earth: sustaining every living thing, holding together the universe, painting the sunsets, and reigning over all of Heaven are just a few of his duties. 

And still, He takes the time to watch His daughter dance. He delights in listening to the smallest pieces of her heart and gently melting away all the worries in her soul. He will always be the Perfect Father. He will never disappoint His children. He always knows best. He always pushes for more. He always does best. He always loves best. And because of this, she doesn't need to search any longer. For she has found the One who delights in her-- the One who loves her, knows her, fights for her, and accepts her like her soul has craved from birth. 

When we approach God in THAT way, this is childlike faith. Knowing He will only ever love us as a perfect Father would. Knowing He will ALWAYS hear us and listen and hold us close. Knowing His lap is always waiting for our tired hearts. Knowing He is a shelter for us when we face danger. Knowing our Daddy will never be too busy to hear about our long day or laugh at our stupid jokes. Knowing His agenda is constantly overflowing with sustaining the earth and raising the sun each and every morning, yet His LOVE for His children outweighs his "to-do" list. 

It may not be an earthly Father who has spoken this message into your heart that you don't matter enough to be heard or fought for... It may be someone else, or even a slew of people. But if you find yourself searching for someone or something to finally show you that you're worth it-- to finally love you for who you are-- I know of a Daddy who is constantly adopting souls like yours into His family. And He will never disappoint His children or abandon them. It's literally impossible for a Perfect Father to let down His sons and daughters. 

And because He will always bend down to listen, I will walk with Him as long as He sustains my breath. He never tires of bending over through the clouds of glory into this broken world to look into my small and tired eyes; just so He can smile at me and whisper: 

"I heard you calling. I'm here for you."