I haven't written in awhile. Well, I should clarify; I haven't written HERE in awhile. That's because I have started a new adventure that's totally changed my life and helped me find some new wings.
I'm writing a book.
The Lord is SO faithful to lead us into beautiful adventures from dark valleys.
I wake up two hours early every morning before work and with delicious cinnamon & honey coffee in hand, I ask Him to speak to my heart as I write it down and listen. This simple practice that first began as an accident of praying in poetry, has now turned into an entirely new window looking into Jesus and His heart.
I wanted to share some wonderfully sweet lessons this adventure has taught me so far:
1. When you allot specific time for The Lord to speak, HE SHOWS UP LOUDLY. I find myself being so excited for my 5 am alarms that I have trouble falling asleep the night before. I am giddy and anxious for what He will whisper into my small, human heart before the sun even comes up.
2. The passions, talents, gifts, and loves that we harbor are FROM HIM and are HIS intention for our purpose. Basically, He wants us to BE HAPPY. He loves us to love the moments within our days. If you LOVE to paint, then PAINT. But paint WITH Him. Invite Him into your joy and passion. Handing over control into His hands as you chase the things you love will land you in the middle of your purpose.
3. Some of the holiest words you can say are "Goodbye" and "Screw you". Now hang on a minute with me here. The easiest way that The Enemy can keep you from your purpose are these two things: Complacency & Fear. DO NOT STAY THERE. Keeping relationships, addictions, actions, and habits in your life or in the dark will always keep you weighed down and distracted from the race meant for your feet to run. Be brave enough to say goodbye, and really mean it... to let it go, let them go, and trust the Lord to fill the void. He will. He'll overflow it more in one moment than they or it could after a thousand tries.
Fear of failure, fear of others' rejection, fear of man's opinion. Fear is not from The Father. Often times, against the real and enormous feeling of "WHAT IF THIS FAILS or WHAT WILL THEY THINK", it is best to combat this with a loud and stern "SCREW YOU". This has brought freedom to me as silly as it sounds. You don't need to listen to fear, you need to listen to Jesus. You were given permission to be brave the moment you were given His Spirit. Doing the brave thing even if you feel like shutting down from fear is still being brave. The point is that you're doing it, not what you feel as you do so.
4. As I so intentionally chase Jesus and simultaneously chase my dreams, I have watched so many other struggles of mine fade away. They're not on my mind like before. Jesus rules my thoughts the more I give Him the space to do so.
5. True LOVE makes you dance. And laugh. And skip down the street. And wake up in the middle of the night in tears of gratitude. True love given to you with absolutely no restraint or hesitation changes you. Falling in love breeds joy. And God is not just a thought, He is a being who created YOU for the sole purpose of falling in love with you.
6. A page a day keeps all the fear away. Hehe, but really though. I ask Jesus every morning to give me just one page of truth and without fail, He does. Sometimes, it's short and simple and sweet. Sometimes He gives me 26 pages in one day. But each page brings tears as it comes from His heartbeat into mine.
7. He is faithful, He is faithful, He is faithful. I am left speechless after He speaks.
8. Worship looks differently to everyone because everyone is different. Writing is how I worship. Dancing is how I worship. Singing is how I worship. Praying is how I worship. Blessing others is how I worship.
9. YOLO. You literally only have one life here on this dying, temporary earth. So why in the world would you ever live for someone else's approval or opinion? ITS TIME TO DO YOU. And screw what the world has to say about it.
10. I need to be willing to accept His words even when I don't want them. If you hear something so clearly from The Lord, you can't UNhear it. You can't go back. That promise will never leave your heart. The closer I get to His voice, the more things I will hear that make me tense up and grit my teeth. THAT?? You want me to DO THAT? GO THERE? GIVE UP THAT? SAY THAT? It's about blindly saying "yes" when your instinct shouts "NO". Although He leads me into uncertainty, His hand holding onto me is more certain than anything else I could ever put my hope upon. I can trust Him. He is so faithful. He knows my heart better than even I do. He created it, and knows every single cell that sustains its' life.
Often fear will sneak it's way into my thoughts and The Enemy schemes in breeding doubt within my heart. But I am learning I don't have to let fear dictate my life anymore. That would make me a slave. And I am so much more than a slave now, I'm a warrior. And even in my unbelief, The Lord is so faithful to gently remind me of His truth.
I was super burnt out at work on Friday. Exhausted, sleep-deprived, drained, and full of doubt. About fifteen minutes before I was to finally go home, an older lady with silky long white hair and a kitty-covered Christmas sweater who I had spoken maybe ten words to earlier that morning re-approached the counter. She said something that took me way back: "I suspect and see something in you".
Whoah. I was weirded out at first. Then her next words brought me to tears:
"You were created with two hands made to write. You were given this gift for a reason and need to pursue it. Don't back down."
Holy freaking crap. She disappeared before I could ask her who she was and how she knew, but that carried me high above my disbelief. The Lord loves and cares enough to send me a complete stranger to speak that out loud and destroy fear. That doesn't just happen.
He loves you. He loves you so much. Let Him meet you where you are. In your mess, in your dream, in the middle of what you love, in the middle of what you're ashamed of, in the middle of your fear.
He is waiting.
He is there.
He is worth it.
He thinks you're worth it too.
He is Jesus--
God with us, God beside us, God next to us. Through it all, God with us.
-Han
