As I am moving across the country next week, I have had quite the array of thoughts swirling around my chaotic brain. Apart from moving out of my apartment in about 48 hours, final papers and exams are on the list, along with a list of goodbyes to be said, and a week of work. But in the midst of the craziness, I forced myself to take the time to be still right now, and just freely write about the bigger issues going on in my heart:
Fear of the unknown pounds heavily on the front door of my heart, but God has confirmed over and over through multiple people and experiences to trust Him. And honestly, I have no reason whatsoever not to. He has been SO faithful-- I would literally be insane not to hold his hand anywhere He leads me.
Fear of what others will think creeps its' way into my thoughts the loudest, but God reminds me in every temptation to live for others' approval that this is MY story. Not anyone else's. God paints us each a different story with Himself, and the moment we start conforming to what others want or expect, or what society wants or expects, we will fall away from our dreams by dangerously falling into the category of "just like everyone else". I want to be different, because Jesus calls us to be different.
Fear of what I'm leaving behind... both good and bad. Letting go is one of the most painful disciplines of being a Christian. It stings like alcohol in an open wound. But it is necessary to go where God leads and find what He has for you. We can not see what's over the hill until we cross it, and it contains more beauty than we can ever imagine, but we can't see it until we decide to take the climb over top. God has told me over and over: "Han, you have to walk AWAY to walk FORWARD."
So that is what I stand in every moment of the day. Even though I can't see the beauty ahead, I know it's better than what I leave behind me... because I'm walking forward with the AUTHOR of beauty holding my hand all the way there.
The commonality between those 3 major issues are the word fear. And God has not given us a spirit of fear, because He is living IN us, we can be BRAVE. He makes us brave. He teaches us to fear the only thing we ever should: Himself. He speaks over us all day that we can be fearless because He is with us.
Rather than dwelling in fear of things that hold no power, I am learning to rest in the only One who IS power. In HIM, nothing can cripple our courage.
What is He beckoning you away from today? What is he asking you to walk away from so you can walk toward Him? What fear are you holding onto that is holding you back? I pray for anyone reading these words to know they can be fearless while chasing Him, because He is chasing you back.
-Han
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