Letting Defeat Be Your Victory

Some days are just hard.

As I sit here looking out the big window at the pouring rain splashing violently against the glass only inches away from my face, I just sit still. As I think about the long list of worries and fears on my heart, I feel the tug of defeat. But I know despite my feelings, I need to stand strong in the victory I already have.

In the moments I least believe the truth, I have to tell myself the truth even louder.

Because I refuse to let The Enemy win, and I refuse to let a difficult season define my entire life.

As I sit here and look at the mountains outside, I remember the story of Nehemiah in the Bible where God asked him to rebuild the Temple. He worked and worked and worked despite the opposition from others. He didn't let their discouragement or the hot sun and the heavy labor get to him. His response to his "haters" was this:

"They were just trying to intimidate us, imagining that they could discourage us and stop the work. So I continued the work with even greater determination." Nehemiah 6:9


When people try and hold us back, or The Enemy throws defeat at us over and over again, or even when we are crippled by the battles we fight within ourselves, let it be an opportunity to fight back even harder. Let it be a reason to stand stronger in the promise you were given.

Satan knows if he can get you to doubt your purpose even just a tiny bit, that he can funnel his way in to get you to give up completely.

Don't be intimidated by words or discouragement or the opinion of another, because those things have absolutely no power over you unless you let them.

You were created to carry out a purpose that only YOU can. People need the hope that YOU were made to give to them. Someone needs the love that God graced YOU to pour out on them.

Next time you feel defeated, remind yourself that the victory is already yours because Jesus defeated defeat the same day He defeated death... Often Satan is most active in our lives right before God is about to do something huge through us.

So shake off the lifeless discouragement from the outside, because you were made for so much more than letting their voices define you.

The harder we work in the field, the more fruitful the crop at harvest time.

You were made to do something far bigger than accept the limitations placed on you. You were made to break out of the box and build your own.

Wherever you are and whatever God has given you as your "work" or your purpose, refuse to let the feeling of defeat BE your defeat.

Let your defeated spirit be an avenue to sweeter victory. 

Pick yourself up, dust off the discouragement, and continue the work with even greater determination.

-Han

Understanding Unconditional Love

On my drive over to my favorite writing corner I had the sunroof open with the hot Colorado sun blazing onto the small baggie of chocolate chip cookies I had packed for myself. By the time I got to where I am sitting now and opened them up, it was like they had just came out of the oven with the sweet morsels of cocoa melted juuuust right. Munching on delicious cookies and drinking iced coffee and looking at Pikes Peak..Not sure if I could ask for a better setting to write a piece of my heart on a beautiful afternoon like this one.

I'm blessed. So blessed.

I can't believe I've already been here in Colorado for three weeks today. When people ask me how it's going I'm not really sure how to answer... Because it's amazing and beautiful without a doubt... but it's also a humongous challenge in ways I never would've pictured.

I'm learning to be okay with not having answers. But it's still pretty hard sometimes. It's weird for me to not have an agenda everyday... it's hard standing on the truth without my strong community by my side to remind me of it. It's hard to remember what I was taught when there are so many other conflicting, new voices around me. And it's especially difficult to come face to face with new pieces of my  heart that need to be transformed.

In the midst of a lot of different struggles and noise, God has continued to speak this word:

R E S T .

At first I thought I heard Him wrong. Because I have so much to change and do and work towards and work on and figure out... so surely that couldn't be what He meant.

But He's made it clear, REST is what He means.

Many of us live our entire lives being told through culture and religion and society that in order to get something good, you have to do something good. In order to find happiness, peace, fulfillment, you have to earn it somehow. This is especially dangerous when we begin to believe that in order to be good enough, we have to work hard enough to reach that place.... once we've done enough "blank", we'll be acceptable. Once we're funny enough, popular enough, skinny enough, strong enough, successful enough... THEN we'll be worth happiness... we'll be worth loving.

I didn't even realize how much I fell into this category of living until I found a lot of my thoughts in a "once I'm finally...." mindset. This is a dangerous, dangerous thought process to be in. Because you will find yourself never good enough. And in this place God says: "Rest". 

He is teaching me that all I need to DO-- is BE... and believe He loves me right now as I am. He loved me at my absolute worst; chasing me down with His faithfulness as I sprinted the other direction. If fully He loved me then, He fully loves me now.

He doesn't ask us to be anything or anywhere else other than what we are and where we are. He wants us to grow, absolutely. But the best way we can grow is by letting HIM be our life source.

One of my best friends from college in Indiana who played a large role in who I am today happened to be in Denver last night. I hadn't seen her in almost two years, and I got to spend an evening with her in the last place I would ever imagine across the country from where we first met. We laughed, we cried, we walked by the river, we watched the sunset, we ate french fries on a rooftop, and we were both amazed the whole time that we even got to see each other.

Before I told her anything I was learning here, she took my hand and said she wanted to share with me something God has been teaching her because she felt like I needed to hear it. I smiled back and waited for her words...

"The Lord is teaching me how much I need to rest."

Tears filled my eyes as I immediately understood why she was brought to me that night by no accident. Our night consisted of so much more goodness and encouragement it's hard to believe it all happened. To think that He loves us enough to send us sisters across the country to confirm what He speaks to us is crazy enough in itself, but to think that this relentless love never changes based on anything I will ever DO is even crazier.

Just like the flowers bloom in all their beauty without striving by resting against the wind and being rooted in the ground, we find all we need by resting against the heartbeat of His chest; rooted in His love. 

It's quite a breath of relief when we understand that we are already enough as we are... That God loves us where we're at-- flaws and all. He loves us because HE IS LOVE, not because we earn it or deserve it. Nothing about you needs to change before He can fully love every single part of you. Until we learn this concept, we can't let others love us fully. It's funny that the hardest thing to do is to stop doing something. Peace isn't found by doing everything we can to create and maintain it, it's found by resting in the only true source of peace.

When we can rest in HIS infinite abundance, striving for any kind of acceptance, affirmation, love, or happiness fades away. When I begin finding myself in a "once I'm finally..." mindset now, I immediately take a deep breath and say: "I will rest in who You are, because here I will find who I am."

Rooftop Dinner :)

The coolest coffee and wine bar patio we found.

Sweet and Beautiful Eliza enjoying her amazing beer that took her four hours to guzzle down ;)

Joy.

Never overlook an opportunity to rest in a beautiful moment.

-Han

On Purpose

I started a new rule for myself awhile back about social media.. basically before I get on FaceBook or Twitter, I need to learn something about the world FIRST. Whether that be National News in Sudan or an update on the economy, or some story about Human Trafficking, I want to continuously be keeping myself out of the comfortable "bubble" that's far too easy to fall into.

It's been a really helpful tool in teaching myself about current events, but also reminding me that the freedom I have here in America is RARE; that I have no right to take advantage of all my rights. Because the majority of people around the world don't have the same luxury... many of them have their rights TAKEN from them.

One of the biggest challenges of living in a new state for me isn't not knowing anyone or having many answers for my future.. those are things I thrive off and find adventure through... But it's the temptation for me to waiver from all the progress and truth God taught me this last year... About who I am, who He is, what really matters, and what my purpose is. Because I have learned that if I'm not actively telling myself the TRUTH, lies will gladly scream all the louder without permission.

A better way of phrasing this struggle is by saying it's the Enemy's way of keeping us distracted from what God truly has for us. If he can keep us focused on ourselves and our comfort and our first-world problems just enough to divert you from your God-given purpose, he knows he's winning. I have gotten to the point here where I'm absolutely done with letting that happen.

When a lie throws pebbles on the window to my heart or starts to kick down it's doors, I literally have to fight back at it with the truth so loud sometimes I yell at the top of my lungs. Because I refuse to any longer let trivial and first-world things that once held me captive take any more of my time. There are people who need our help, and we can't help them if we're busy trying to perfect our comfort all day long.

As I research rescue story after rescue story, statistics on the millions still enslaved, stories of places without hope, or news about suffering,...how quickly my hearts' perspective changes to what really matters. It's not if my hair looks great today or if my outfit is up to par or if I ran today or if my paycheck is big enough or if I'm dating someone amazing or if I got a certain number of "likes" on my instagram picture...

It's that there are young, real girls trapped in a brothel from dawn to dusk who need someone to break down the door and take them out. That they need someone to hold them close and let them cry on their shoulder and tell them they are infinitely loved, and that now they are FREE. It's that there are millions of beautiful orphans sleeping under trash all around the world right now who wonder if they will ever be wanted and called "daughter" or "son". That they need someone to pull them out and kiss their cheeks and whisper that they now have a home and a hope. It's that there are so many hurting and terrified people all around us that think they have no value because someone told them that or showed them that. That they need us to TELL them how much they matter and have endless purpose because of Jesus' purpose of coming to earth-- to know God's heart for us and be known by Him.

Because the TRUTH is that at the end of the day, what you look like, how much money you have, how big your house is, how many friends you have, and your reputation of gold doesn't matter.... what matters is what you did with what God gave you. And I don't just mean resources like money, I mean the hope He gave you, the freedom He gave you, the love He gave you, the purpose He gave you... 

Are we taking that and overflowing it back out to the hurting around us, or are we letting our comfort and chains hold us back? I don't know about you, but I'm done with casually letting another day pass me by of living as "acceptable". I refuse to be tied down by a cultural standard of success, beauty, or happiness, and I refuse to let abuse and pain tell us what we're worth and what we're capable of. When I read The Bible, God constantly shows the message that nothing is impossible... And why would I settle for dreaming small dreams revolving around myself if I actually believed that?

Believing and standing on the truth is a battle, because we are programmed from our sin to believe the opposite. But once you begin to fight it back instead of letting it defeat you, you will be unstoppable. Because victory is already ours who belong to Jesus. Because HE fought and fights for you and I, we can now fight for those who can't fight for themselves.

Purpose is found the most in showing others that they have one. 

-Han

Gardening 101

I spent almost 4 hours yesterday doing yard work. Pulling weeds, raking dirt, getting sunburned, stabbing myself unintentionally with sticks, stuffing trashbags, laying mulch, picking up dog poop, and crouching under a trampoline.

I'm ridiculously sore-- not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing-- but it definitely wiped me out. I'm still learning the whole: you're 6,000 feet closer to the sun so you NEED sunscreen and NEED to drink more water. My back is a nice shade of hot pink and my hands have some lovely blood blisters and splinters to go with that.

But as I was cutting and pulling and getting covered in dirt, I learned something about pulling weeds and doing yard work:

It's necessary.

In order to make way for something better, you first have to cut away that which kills. In this case, weeds. It would be useless to plant gorgeous arrays of pink and red rose bushes and bright yellow daffodils right on the same soil running rampant with thorny weeds and dry, dead brush. It wouldn't grow. It might last a day or two, but eventually it will just get eaten up by the weeds around it and die off-- letting the weeds grow bigger.

Yet so often we do this with our hearts.

Hoping if we can just plant a few beautiful things amongst the garbage, it will somehow outweigh all the sin and destruction we have let grow rampant for far too long.

But it doesn't work that way. The weeds WILL eventually outgrow the flowers. Because you need an entirely new root-- out with the old and in with the new.

We must do a complete de-weeding of our hearts if we want any kind of lasting beauty and life to grow.

I think it's extremely difficult for us to realize just how much our garbage is killing us until we try and plant life there too. It's SO easy to let your backyard grow weed after weed, and just grow numb to the sight of it. Because taking all that out would require a lot of work, and a lot of sacrifice, and a lot of energy.

Decluttering is painful, dirty, difficult, and time-consuming. That's why so many of us ignore it and don't do it. BUT, it's beyond rewarding, and so so worth it. It may not appear like much is changing during the sweaty and exhausting process of getting rid of all that garbage, but once you're done, you'll look back at all you've accomplished and see the start of life.

Quite often, we may not even recognize a weed as a weed. So many times yesterday I couldn't tell if what I was yanking at was a weed or a tree, because it had gotten THAT big... it even had some pretty green leaves... but those kinds of weeds are the most dangerous because they are disguised as life, but end up killing more than any of the others. Some death in your heart might appear as life. Because it's pretty on the outside and even makes you happy-- but in the end, it will still accomplish it's overall purpose: to destroy you.

It's a process; just like growing new life requires water and sunlight and time... making way for that life requires sweat, a couple of burns a long the way, and time.

Will it cut you up and cause you pain? Absolutely. You're ripping out death and destruction with strong roots that go down deep. Some deeper than others. But I would much rather work hard at ripping out the death in me than letting it eventually kill me.

I promise the life that will come from ripping away that death will make you wonder why you didn't do it a long, long time ago.

Let's plant some life :)

-Han

Because He is FOR Us

Lately I can't shake this one word out of my head; when it's spoken, I immediately feel myself stand up straighter and feel hope flooding in stronger.

As if fear becomes irrelevant, and worry just melts away. As if everything that weighs me down like a boulder just disappears into dust...

Brave. 

The word that holds the power to dictate almost any severe choice you make in your life. Jesus has spoken this word over my life all day long for quite some time now. Because when I hear it, think of it, or see it in action, everything changes.

Apart from it, deciding anything major becomes quite tricky. But with it, it erases every "what if" that echoes around in your fearful and unknowing heart. Because you know that no matter what could happen, you were already given the victory because of what did happen. When Jesus stamped the promise of freedom and constant hope over our life, He gave us another gift with it that we must choose to hold onto daily:

He makes us b r a v e .

His promises make us brave. 
His faithfulness makes us brave.
His presence makes us brave.

Enduring anything, facing anyone, persevering through everything, we need not lose heart.
Because why would we? Who can hurt us? What can stop us?

Being brave doesn't mean fear is gone, it means that it's irrelevant. Because your focus is on the promise given rather than the emotion in your way. Our destination can't be stopped if He is leading us to it.

Stepping out into the unknown, moving somewhere new, entering a dangerous situation to help someone else, popping the bubble of comfort, fighting for justice, striving for more, giving up control, standing up for what you believe in, refusing to settle, talking to someone you normally never would, leaving behind an addiction, forgiving the person who you don't think you can, letting go of something from your past, believing the truth and standing firm in it, claiming freedom, and believing you are who God says you are because He is who He says He is....

Everyday we have choices to let our fear get the best of us, or to let our bravery be stronger. And we know that we can be strong, because the One living within us is stronger than any fear, any doubt, any pain, and any lie.

Fear keeps us in a prison, being brave leads us into life. Fear likes us to think it's impossible, it's too hard, it's too dangerous, it's too painful, it's not worth it, it could never happen.... But it doesn't want us to know that being brave holds enough power to break every chain that holds you down.... that it equips you with more strength than any weapon could conquer or word could sway. It brings freedom and hope and joy and the ability to help others see their bravery too.

All throughout my day as I'm faced with choices, when worry and fear weigh me down and convince me there's no other way, I hear His voice:

"Child, I made you BRAVE."


-Han

We All Have the Same Name

I had every intention of writing this blog post about the beautiful and simple story that happened yesterday. Which I will share momentarily. But I have to admit that after it happened, my joy was hesitant and pushed down by defeat and doubt rather than overflowing with gratitude like it should have been. My heart was focused on so many other issues before me, that I fought through the temptation to overlook God's clear "I love you" whisper and keep my focus fixed on bad news and fear.

When God makes a promise and a leading so evident before your nose, it's quite shocking, confusing, and plain frustrating when something gets in its' way. Whether that roadblock is a health issue, a tragedy, or a regret from your past, it can immediately steal your attention and cause you to doubt God's promise.

But all throughout Scripture, a picture is being painted of faith... of God's promises being fulfilled despite the most impossible and hopeless of circumstances to reach that promise. 

As I fought my fear and pain... I decided to go for a drive and pray. I turned on my current favorite worship song. As tears streamed down my tingling and slightly sunburned cheeks, I forced myself to sing along as loudly as I could even though my heart felt something completely different. But the most wonderful thing happened once these next words arrived in the song; my heart agreed with my voice. Hope fled in, trust burst through, and faith stood stronger than doubt.

"You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the promises you gave. You make me brave. You call me out beyond the shores into the waves."

Our limited human views can never alter His infinitely divine plan. What we SEE is not all that He has PLANNED. Nothing is too big for Him.

As I continued to worship, I recalled the story:

I walked into Payless with one neon orange sock and one bright yellow sock on both feet. Clearly, this is why I was there-- I'm not much of a "shoe" person... but once my last pair literally fell apart, I figured it was time to get a new pair.

Upon walking in, the first thing I noticed was the woman working behind the counter. A beautiful, tall African American lady with a rainbow striped maxi dress that gracefully drug along the carpet as she approached to assist me. As she helped me find a pair of shoes, we started to talk about life.

She asked why I was moving across the country, and I told her the simple truth that God led me to do so. Her face froze for a moment, and the most beautiful thing happened: she began to sing a hymn. It was about following God anywhere He leads us. I thanked her for letting me hear her lovely voice and she proceeded to tell me how she had been thinking so much about that lately-- about following God anywhere despite what everyone else thought about it. I gently reminded her she still can; that it's never too late.

We both laughed together and shared truth and encouragement with one another. As I was about to walk out the door with my new shoe box, I asked for her name; she kindly stuck out her right hand and said: "I'm Precious".

My heart began to sing. Precious.

"That is exactly what you are" I said, "Precious."

I sat in my car and thought of in Daniel 10 where the angel tells Daniel: "Do not be afraid! For you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!"

 We all may have a different name given us by our parents, but in reality we all have the same name given to us by our Father in Heaven: Precious.

Fast forward to my drive in the car. As I sang those words of truth with everything I had despite the fear I fought, I heard my name sung over me. I felt the words spoken to Daniel spoken to me:

Do not be afraid! For you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!

He is saying the same thing today to you who are Precious. Stand on His promise, He will never abandon His finest and most precious possession:

You.

-Han