Is This Real Life?

This last week of my life seems like a dream. 

Answered prayers, endless provision, new life, new hope, healing tears, relentless rescue, overflowing joy, and so much of God's presence in worship.

Every single thing I have doubted, feared, or hurt with this last year, and especially since moving, was completely spoken against this week. The truth came to full light and confirmation through a room full of 60 strangers, an email, two strangers at a Mexican restaurant, His voice, a hug, and the sky.

I am learning more about the Father's heart than I knew I ever could.

I'll just expound on one example from this week:

Running under the stars and through the cool evening breeze is one of my favorite ways to find peace. I was on a night run like this early on in the week, and I just started to talk to the One who made all the stars twinkling above me. I told Him I knew He was still there and still working despite my feelings of drowning in the unknown and being stuck in pain. But I asked him to somehow let my heart feel the truth and find it through a sister who understood my heart. Because my heart felt pretty alone, forgotten, unlovable, and off course. I was beginning to let my emotions dictate my path; that is a very dangerous place to be. Because our feelings are not what prove us to be following Jesus, our choices do. 

I finished my run with peace in my heart, but doubt still doing it's best to knock down its' walls. I had gotten an email about a week prior from someone named Emily who had invited me to a worship gathering, but had forgotten to reply in the business of the weekend. I woke up with another email from her that basically said this:

Hannah sorry if this is weird for you, because I know we've never even met. But God won't take you off of my heart, and I think I'm supposed to just love you. Wanna come to my house for dinner? I would love to meet you and hear your story. And I need you to know something: You are NOT FORGOTTEN. You are NOT ALONE. You are SO LOVED and SO worth loving. I am praying for you, sister!


Soooooo.... basically I read it and blinked with confusion and read it again...The same email was still there and it wasn't just in my imagination. The exact words I used to describe how I felt, were the exact words she used to encourage me with truth. That night she and I ate vegetable soup and drank smoothies. She told me her inspiring, amazing, courageous story and I shared with her mine. The entire night she reinforced those truths over and over:

You are loved.
You are not forgotten.
You are not alone.
You are safe.
I am going to fight for you.
You have a family here.
You are right on track.
Jesus looks at you and sees perfection because of His sacrifice. 
You are new. 

Tears streamed down my face as I was completely shocked someone who just met me could know exactly what my heart longed to hear. Funny how the Spirit works.

She spoke other things over me that were deeply buried into the darkest parts of my heart. She saw me the way that Jesus saw me. She SHOWED me Jesus, she didn't just tell me about him. To have someone love me this way is a totally foreign concept for me and definitely not something I thought could happen to me. A stranger loved ME before she knew me, when she met me, and continues to after knowing my past and my brokenness. The rare but beautiful gift of a friend who understands and shares my heart.

As if God couldn't make it any more clear; He answered me above what I asked and did it through a sister I never even met. The rest of the week followed this same unbelievably incredible pattern. I found myself not being able to keep up with all He was doing, and just laughing uncontrollably with joy at His constant provision.

When you give Him the space to work in your life, He will use it I promise you. But it won't always make sense or feel right. He is teaching me that no matter what I feel, His truth never changes.

Don't confuse your feelings of doubt, loneliness, pain, struggle, temptation, confusion, apathy, unknown, or fear with God's hand in your journey. If you were truly off course, He would make it known to you. But your feelings are not your answer.

Stand strong in wherever He has placed you-- He won't let you go. People may let you down and try to hold you back, The Enemy will do His best to stop you and destroy you through your weakest areas, and days without answers will tempt you to think it's all not worth it. But Jesus won't ever stop loving you and walking beside, before, and behind you to prove you it is beyond worth it.

Remember, for those of us who are God's children, Satan attacks us the strongest. Because the last thing He wants to see is us loving the lost, reaching out to the hurting, rescuing the captives, or making God famous. The more He knows you will do for God's kingdom, the more He will fight to destroy you. I say that not to discourage you, because we HAVE the victory. I say it to encourage you. However you are struggling, let it push you to fight harder-- because it only means God has something so beautiful for you that the Enemy will give it all He has to keep it from you. 

Screw that, go claim your victory.

Don't give up, and God will always send you whoever, whatever, wherever you need just to whisper His heart to yours:

I have you in my hands. I love you, child. I will never let you go or leave you. Be strong because I will fight for you.


-Han


"I may not on my own understand it
My life is in the Hands of the Maker of Heaven.
I give it all to you God
Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me.
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open."

Eyes on Heaven

God has been teaching me so much.

I am learning the greatest challenge within a challenge is to keep your eyes fixed on Heaven when everything on earth around you is shaking and begging for your attention. It's one of the most difficult things to do. Because when chaos is on your right and calamity is on your left, looking up becomes terrifying. If you take your eyes OFF the issue, what if it explodes and spins violently out of control??
But then I'm reminded it's not my job to fix the issue, it's my job to follow Jesus. 

He fights FOR us; we need only be still. (Exodus 14:14)

When our eyes are stuck on our surroundings, we miss out on the miracles taking place above us. It may not seem like a whole lot to simply look up, but the real struggle comes from shifting our eyes off of what they're so focused on.

I'll say it again. It's not your job to fix yourself or your circumstances.

Do you play a role? Absolutely. Your role is to chase Jesus with everything you have, and ask him for strength to do His will. But your role is not to FIX.

Not even Jesus is about "fixing". He's about transforming. 


Whatever you are going through, working through, healing through, walking through, fighting through, hurting through.... Jesus doesn't just want to "fix" it, He wants to transform it. He proves that to us through every tree, every flower, and every season on the beautiful earth.

During Winter, when a tree dies and turns brown and loses all it's brilliant color and its' branches are chipped away by the harshness of the icy cold, does God bring out his divine toolbox, supernatural glue, and bark themed band-aids? Um, NO.
He brings Spring-- the promise of new, beautiful life. Rather than hammering on the lost branches and painting back the green vibrance it once held, He does a complete transformation of the tree-- a new, beautiful set of leaves begin to grow, and brand new branches grow back thicker and stronger.

Fixing something only keeps it working as it always has, but transforming something makes it work differently, better, and stronger. It's the same with our hearts. So that rather than working and perceiving life as they always have, they can now say: "I had no idea I could do this, overcome this, think this way, see life this way, or love this way."

Our heart beats were designed to sustain life, but also to continuously learn new rhythms. 

God doesn't want you to stay the same, He wants you to G R O W.

Whatever you are going through is for transformation; to teach your heartbeat a new and beautiful, different rhythm. I promise it's not because you are forgotten, unloved, or hopeless. It's actually because God loves you enough to CHANGE something in you that He knows can be so much better.  

But it is HE who transforms... not us. Not even our greatest efforts can compete against His ability to create beauty from dust. It's like duct taping trees branches back on broken trees in the winter and using green spray paint to recreate the color. That's obviously ridiculous. We don't help the trees rebuild and regrow their beautiful splendor, God takes care of that in His perfect timing... better than our duct tape and cheap spray paint ever could.

Let Him transform your heart through your situation. He will do it better than you alone ever could.

Our job is to look up. Because He is always, always working.

When you're hope is running on empty and your heart is hurting, it's tempting to keep your eyes low. But then we miss the beautiful moments splattered above the pain of our situation, the "He is faithful" reminders draped across the sky, the "keep hoping" whispers spoken amidst our trials, and all the blessings he showers down to remind us of His promises. 

Where your heart dwells, your perspective follows. Choose to keep your eyes on Heaven.

I have started to pray this over my life and it is what I hold onto in moments I'm most tempted to look down:

"Thank you for transforming me; even when I can't feel it or see it happening. Thank you that you love me enough to teach my heartbeat new rhythms so I can better love people, love You, and find courage. Thank you for fighting FOR me. Thank you for reminding me through everything and everyone that you will never give up on me, stop fighting for me, or stop loving me."


                                          When you look up, you're sure to find that:

 He paints it all just to remind you that He loves you,

prove He is fighting FOR you,

and remind you He hasn't forgotten.

-Han

Why Grown-Ups are Liars

My favorite kind of grown-ups are the ones that never do. 

I remember being a child and every adult telling me to dream as big as I could, teaching me nothing is impossible with God, and reminding me to never settle for anything or anyone.

But now, as I've gotten older and started to make some pretty big life determining choices, those same adults have shifted their message. Let me give you some examples of the phrases I now commonly hear from them:

"Oh, I remember having that much passion about life when I was your age, then I got married and had kids". (insert smiling face but extreme teeth gritting)

" Ahhh youth is such a sweet time to think you can change the world". (insert bubbling up anger)

"Well enjoy when he tells you that you're pretty now, because once you're married it'll stop". (insert
  discouraged heart)

"Honey, you really need to start dating soon if you ever want to be married." (aw thanks, you can date my fist as it slams into your face)

"Keep spreading that love before the world taints it and takes it from you with reality". (insert a lovely variety of cuss words on the tip of my tongue)

"Enjoy being young while you think anything is possible and everything is easy." (ummmmm okay bye)

"Your dreams are so cute! But eventually you're gonna have to grow up". (insert an actual kick to the groin... not really but it got close)


These are all literal things people have all told me....and OFTEN! The theme is always similar:

Once you grow up, your passion for life dies and splatters all over the concrete with paying bills and working behind a desk, your dreams shrink down to the size and ambition of a microscopic bug, your spouse becomes bored with you, adventures aren't possible past a certain age, when you're young everything is easy and perfect, and your ability to make a difference just turns into vapor which is sucked into this miserable and hopeless universe.

Well alright, YAY! Thanks for giving me SO much to look forward to with that wonderful dose of what you deem as "reality". Although their intentions are probably never malicious or terrible, it really started to discourage me. I started to wonder how long MY ticking time bomb would last before I would become boring, miserable, and unable to change anything big or small about the world.
But it didn't sit right with me. Something about what they said simply did NOT register in my heart.

Are there parts about "growing up" that suck? UM YEAH. Paying bills, paying for an oil change, paperwork (which is my LEAST favorite), buying your own groceries, working long hours to make rent, etc. But does that mean you also have to stop dreaming big, loving like crazy, or having adventures? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

It's like people think as they grow older, their faith also needs to do so. Let's look at some people in the Bible who God did some crazy things through...

How about Noah who trusted God enough to look insane to the world and build a massive boat and put a giant zoo inside when he was 600 years old?

Or how about Sarah and Abraham who were 100 years old when God fulfilled His promise to them for a baby?

Many of your brains are thinking: "but that was back then... that kind of stuff doesn't happen anymore."

Well, although I would disagree because the God who did those things back THEN is just as powerful as the God we serve NOW, how about I give you a modern day example?

Bob Goff has white hair and gray whiskers on his chin. He's definitely not a youthful, naive, irrationally lost teenager. But He knows He serves an irrational God. So, he frees Ugandan teens from prison who were unjustly thrown in, and created a school for them so they can find hope and a future. You should really read his book, Love Does, because aside from being a world changer, he loves people in little ways everyday and changes their worlds.

Not saying that the dream of another needs to also be your dream. But I think far too often we forfeit our dreams for much smaller ones because it's easier to settle than it is to wait, sacrifice, and work for it. 

I think because most grown-ups have accepted these cultural standards of "reality", they think themselves to simply be doing the youth a service by preparing them for what is to come. Who says their reality has to be your reality? I serve a God bigger than reality. I serve a God who does the impossible, even at 100 years old. I serve a huge God who gives His people huge dreams.

Your life is yours. You don't have to listen to culture's rules. You don't have to settle for the first man or woman who comes along, you don't have to dream smaller,  you don't have to follow the typical American journey to "success", or do everything possible for a comfortable paycheck. Because honestly, the grown-ups who have settled, are generally the ones who speak those things to me. And they are usually the most unhappy. I don't mean to speak ill of anyone who talks this way, I just hope you don't believe them.

Because you were made for more than settling, and you have far more potential than culture would like you know about. Because when FAITH is your reality, you CAN change the world; no matter how old you are, how many kids you have, and no matter how much the world tries to convince you it's irrational. 

I've seen SO many people put their dreams and passions on hold so they could get comfortable FIRST. But once they settled, so did their dreams. They really started to believe their youthful thoughts were just thoughts and never capable of anything greater. How much different could our lives look if we worked hard and patiently for our purpose rather than settling for an easy and stereotypical one?

The Bible tells us to come to the Father like a child for this very reason. Because children DO believe anything is possible --because they know they are relentlessly and unconditionally loved by their parents. They know they are believed in. If we can approach Jesus this same way, we'll never grow up.

When did age, income, the number of kids you have, location, or experience EVER stop Jesus from doing a miracle? Never. In fact, the greater odds against him, the greater miracle He displayed.

Start listening to what Jesus says is possible instead of what the world says is impossible. Stop believing the lie that settling is required. Everyone is different, everyones' dreams are different, everyones' destiny is different, everyones' calling is different. But every single one of them is important because they are a puzzle piece in God's story. What's yours? Who told you it was irrational? Who taught you it couldn't come to life? Prove culture wrong. Prove to grown-ups everywhere that God is way bigger than reality, and that nothing is impossible with  f a i t h .

-Han

Luke 18:17: "Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

Psalm 116: 6 The LORD protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and then he saved me. 7 Now I can rest again, for the LORD has been so good to me. 8 He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. 9 And so I walk in the LORD's presence as I live here on earth!

Test Time

"Trial: a test of the performance, qualities, or suitability of someone or something."

Good ol' Webster hit the nail right on the head. However, I would argue that when many of us hear the word "trial" we generally associate it with a struggle, or a heartbreak, or a tragedy. Of course many of those things are often apart of the trial, but they are not in fact what the trial IS. A trial is a test. 

A test.

I think back to moments in school where I was given a really challenging paper test I was zero percent prepared for; it was not as if I would simply throw everything up in the air, throw the finger up to my teacher, and say F it to graduating. I sat there, did my best, struggled through questions I had no clue how to answer, and turned it in when I was done. It wasn't my entire schooling, it was one test. 

In our lives when struggle/heartache/chaos happens, or no answers come, or things don't turn out how we expected, how quickly we assume it's because we did something wrong, or our lives are terrible, or God has forgotten about us, or everything is falling apart. But really, we forget that the trial we are experiencing isn't a death sentence to our dreams and our futures, it's a test to determine if we are truly willing to do whatever necessary to bring life to them. Often, the bigger the dream, the harder the test. In other words, there is no room for "kinda-sortas", sissys, or lazy candidates.

It's not your entire life, it's one test. So rather than throwing your hands up in the air and giving God the finger and say F it to your future,    r e s t   there,   do your best,   struggle through questions you have no clue how to answer,   and turn your eyes upon Jesus. 

As I've been in the middle of a trial, I've had the completely wrong perspective. I thought that somehow I was doing something wrong, not doing something good enough, or that God had forgotten about me. It started to wreck me because no matter how much I tried doing my best, things weren't changing, they were actually getting worse. Then after a day full of bumper-to-bumper traffic outside of Denver, a freckly sun burn effecting only the left side of my body, and a heart desperate for some answers, God reminded me what a trial was.

A test.

Not a death sentence to all your hopes, dreams and future plans.

A test to pull out the genuine desires of your heart, to ask how hard you're willing to work, to grow your faith, to examine your true heart for Jesus, to teach you patience, to put a spotlight on God and off of you, to prove His faithfulness.

When this finally reigned as truth in my heart, the most captivating amount of courage fled in. Fear, questions, and doubt no longer had any place near me, because I remembered what I was going through was simply a test... I remembered why I could be brave. It brought me to fight as hard as I could, to be as strong as my heart would allow, and to soar as high as I possibly could. Because our hearts' greatest desires bring us to win battles we deemed impossible, conquer enemies we once thought had already won the war, and stop at nothing until we see them accomplished. God GAVE you those desires and those passions. Of course He is on your team; He is FOR you.

If you can view each trial in your life in the proper context as a test, rather than a terrible, hopeless situation that you'll be stuck in forever, I promise that strength will begin to outweigh your fears, that God will reveal all the beauty and purpose amidst the pain and heartache.

You will come out of this stronger, wiser, nearer to God's heart, and closer to your future. But only if you're willing to fight and endure... The Enemy would love to see you stuck there forever, but you can gladly disappoint him. Because God made you brave, and He equips you with EVERYTHING you could ever need to pass this test: Himself, His promises, and His strength.

-Han

"They were just trying to intimidate us, imagining that they could discourage us and stop the work. So I continued the work with even greater determination." 6:9

Stopping to Stargaze

I had a mini road trip back home last night after a wonderful weekend trip. I was pretty sleepy, and very anxious to crawl into bed as quickly as my car would allow. But once I started the drive, I couldn't help but be overtaken by the billions of visibly twinkling stars up above my open sunroof. My bare and bandaged foot immediately went towards the brake, but then all I could think about was getting a good nights sleep rather than taking some time to just BE in the middle of nowhere. I had this internal argument for the next few minutes and was so bothered by my instinct to just get where I was going the fastest and easiest way possible. 

Eventually I stopped, and just sat on top of my car looking at the majesty plastered perfectly on every square inch of the night sky. As I rested there in the beautiful silence, I recalled conversations and moments I had from the weekend freshly behind me.

The most confirmation I could ever need for moving to Colorado took place when I found out that the same family I was supposed to live with in Uganda, were moving to the same area in the same time I was. The Williams family will change your life in just one day of spending time with them. The way they live, the way they love, the way they parent, and the way they do family. And in that moment I knew God was up to something. My plan was to do life with them in Uganda, but God's was to bring us together here in America instead.

As I lay on the trunk of my scratched up yet faithful Honda, I couldn't stop thinking of this particular conversation I had earlier that day with Mommy of soon-to-be 8, Kristi:

I asked her how she was so good at just BEING where she was and not striving for the next phase of her future. She let out a loud laugh and rather than answering the question, she gave a statement: "I don't think God moves us into the next phase until we are content with where He's placed us now." 

Whoah.

I had heard something like that before, but this time it hit me differently. I understood it. How easy it is for us to be discontent and wonder how/when/where God will finally take us to where we want to be-- to wonder why we are still here-- still there-- still stuck-- still wrestling-- still located where we least want to be-- still without answers.

We forget to embrace EVERY part of the journey because we are so focused on getting to our destination. But that is exactly how we miss out on endless adventure, incredible opportunities, lessons to learn, relationships to be had, unlocked joy to find, and so much beauty to be seen. Rather than viewing interruptions and detours in the road as just that, we ought to see them as part of the plan to better get us where we're going.

God is not limited by anything; He does His best work in messes, roadblocks, and hopeless situations. The road is inevitable to get you from where you are to where you want to go. On a long road trip, sometimes there's 5 MPH traffic, sometimes you get a flat tire, sometimes there are gas station stops to fill up your tank or empty your bladder, sometimes you get lost, sometimes you get pulled over, and sometimes you can stop and stargaze. 

It's really all about your perspective; because unless you want to stay in the same place your entire life, you have to be on a road. You can choose to see every stop as an inconvenience, or choose to see it as a new beginning for opportunity. In the cheesiness of the analogy, we all are on our own road trips through life. We all want to end up somewhere. This could be what you consider "success". But I think the secret to being happy is embracing where you are, rather than getting lost in where you wish you were. 

As I stared in awe at the massive sky above my tiny car, something inside me changed, and I let go of needing to know the next phase; because that phase wasn't here yet. THIS one is here. And surely if God led me into it, He has a purpose for it. And you know what found me after that small moment of surrender?

PEACE. Rest rather than worry.
 Joy. The kind that makes you laugh out loud all by yourself.
   Contentment. Anxious to see God move where He had me rather than anxious to move me.

I crawled back into my car the fun way through my sunroof and laughed out loud as I realized the exact scenario I had found myself in on the way home was the exact situation of my life... all too hesitant to stop and enjoy the road I was on because I just wanted to get where I was going.

But the journey teaches us about our destination. Often where we THINK we should be is different from where we were made to be. And the only way to show us where we are MEANT to be is by taking hold of every part of the journey. If we don't embrace where we are, we will never find what we're looking for. Because here we discover what we love, what we hate, what makes us laugh, what makes us cry, what we are eager to find, what we are willing to stop for, what we are willing to fight for, what terrifies us, what brings us joy, what makes us struggle, who we really are, and who we need to know.

The journey is a constant re-direction to our actual purpose. Never what we expect in the beginning, but better than we could ever imagine in the end.

Wherever God has placed you right now, BE all there. Give it your everything. Be  b r a v e  in the small stuff and the big stuff. Let your heart sing "It is well" wherever you find yourself. Because our purpose is never dependent on circumstance. It is constant everywhere-- whether in a gas station or on the side of the road or in bumper-to-bumper traffic or at work or at school or at home, my purpose never changes:

To shine, to love, and to breathe back the same hope & life first breathed into me.

-Han

One of the most beautiful places I have ever driven through. Independence Pass!

Beautiful and freckle-blessed Kristi who looks AMAZING pregnant with child EIGHT.

Selfie session with Selah who is the sweetest yet also the strangest ;) We connect well because of that.

Chuka experiencing SNOW for the first time ever on top of a mountain! He loved it until his little feet were covered in the icy flakes-- then he hated it haha.

Check out the Williams family blog! www.williamsinthewilderness.com

To Be Held

Most of the time I spent “growing up”, I spent alone. Full of secrets, splattered with pain, unanswered questions, confusing shame, running towards “answers”, and a lot of disappointment. Those ten years of my life held an emptiness that even I didn’t realize. I don’t think anyone can understand the extent of their emptiness until they’ve experienced what it means to be truly full.

Those 10 years of growing up without any kind of rooted support system led me into some addictions and behaviors and unhealthy relationships that almost destroyed me. My heart wanted to know WHY… why did everything happen, and why couldn’t I just be fought for, belong somewhere, or be loved for who I was?  I was determined to find an answer.

But here’s what I learned: I’d never find an answer until I stopped searching for one. Everything I chased ended up bringing up MORE questions rather than any kind of answers. I realized it had nothing to do with me on some quest to find a solution to fix the past or fix myself. It was actually the opposite. It had everything to do with Jesus and His quest 2,000 years ago that—rather than just “fixing” everything—transformed everything.

As I was chasing answers, I was running away from the only true answer. As God chased me with His love, I ran the opposite direction towards answers that I thought were better. But one day, after my tired legs gave out, He caught up to me and called me something I will never forget:  

D a u g h t e r.

He claimed me. When all my heart wanted for years was to be loved and to belong somewhere, HE found me. He never quit on me. The song “Relentless” by Hillsong Young and Free says it well:

“Tearing through the veil of darkness

Breaking every chain you set us free

Fighting for the furthest heart

You gave your life for all to see

Your love is relentless”

A painful, hollow, hole that people and laughter and addiction could only fill with a constant and exhausting fan to keep the flame lit. And sometimes, even the endless going and doing and striving left me emptier than ever. But then, in the most hopeless of places, God swept me up out of the chaos, and rather than instructing me how I could find the right answer, He gave Himself to me, He said there I was safe, there I was free, there I had a home, there I was loved, there I was enough, there I could rest. HE was the answer all along.

As someone who has been a dedicated “church-goer” and ministry-activist since they were 2 years old, I can assure you going to church and volunteering your days away will not take away the emptiness. And as many times as you have heard “Jesus is the answer”, or have gotten bored or freaked out by the thought of “following” God, the truth is that KNOWING God not only fills your emptiness, but it transforms every part of you.

Hopeless to BRAVE

Broken to HEALED

Abused to TREASURED

Ashes to BEAUTY

Slave to FREE

Depressed to JOYFUL

Used to PURPOSED

Addict to NEW CREATION

Sinner to SAVED

Captive to CAPTIVATED

Orphan to DAUGHTER

Darkness to SHINING

Hollow to OVERFLOWING

Running to RESTING

Doing to BEING

Worthless to PRICELESS

Hurting to HELD

This is the detail-free version of my story and how Jesus flipped me around. But isn’t it the same for all of us who have truly experienced His grace? The words above are His Gospel. He did the impossible and reaches through the unthinkable just to hold & know our hearts. Not while we were at our prime, but when we were at our worst. THAT is love.

While the sting still exists of wanting an earthly support system to wrap their arms around me and understand my heart at times, I am reminded time and time again that God’s arms can reach around the Universe, yet still they choose to wrap around me too. Even when I cannot feel it, He is still there. Even when I cannot see Him, He is still working. Even when I cannot hear him, He is still speaking. Even when I cannot understand Him, He is still up to something beautiful. 

In the middle of a season where His presence is not as strong to me, I am holding tightly to His promises. After a crazy, life-endangering, worry-filled day, I went for a walk and found this. He held me close with a gorgeous masterpiece in the sky. I felt His arms around me. Not the earthly kind, but a better kind-- the kind that can reach across the world, drape around the mountains with ribbons of pink clouds, and still somehow find their way to me.

This has been heavy upon my heart for quite some time, and I wanted to share it to you who may be empty; you who may be running, searching, striving, hurting, trapped, losing hope, or alone. He is your answer. He is your solution. He won’t “fix” what’s happened, but even better, He’ll transform it into something for beauty. God is not about erasing our pasts, but USING them for the hope of someone else's futures.

All the pain, regret, and injustice that happened in my past, God has used it to show me what my future is meant to look like. What I’m supposed to change, who I need to extend hope to, what I’m passionate about, and what He is capable of flipping around. The darker the dungeon in which you are trapped, the brighter the sun once you are free, the greater love for your rescuer.

Don’t waste your time wishing away your mistakes or your painful past, let God USE them to change someone else’s future. If He loved me at my worst, then I can love another at theirs. If He unlocked me from my prison, then I can bring the keys to anothers’ cell. If He shined a light into my hopelessness, then I can shine it back into the hopelessness of another. If He set me free, then surely I can break the chains of another. If He gave me endless purpose in existing, then I’m determined to tell another why they do.

The answer is right in front of us. He is all around us. His love is relentless. And if you don’t believe me, just turn around from what you’re running towards and let Him show you. He is anxious to transform your pain into purpose, He is waiting to flip your regrets into hope. He is waiting to call you “Son” or “Daughter”.

To set you F R E E .

-Han