Lately, I have had SO much happening and going on in both my life and my heart that I have been too overwhelmed to write about any of it...
Pain, heartbreak, discouragement, betrayal, sin, and a whole lot of tears.
I would often think, "I should write about this." But then before I'd let myself consider the thought, I'd interrupt myself with: "You can NOT tell people that!!!"
I have this issue of letting people see my weakness and being transparent with my brokenness.
Because I'm strong gosh dangit! I don't need people who will just hurt me to help me with my issues. I can handle it..... Right?
God reminded me as I've come so close to the bottom yet again today: w r o n g.
It is IN my weakness that I have any strength at all.
It is IN my weakness that He can come invade my heart with who He is.
It is IN my weakness that I am able to grow.
It is IN my weakness that I'm reminded how much I NEED Him.
It is IN my weakness that He is made famous.
The more broken I am, the more beautiful He proves to be.
Being broken and admitting weakness is P A I N F U L. There's another word for this. It's SURRENDER.
How quickly I forget His faithfulness in my willingness to surrender.
How often I spill my fear of people giving up on me in my weakness into a fear of Jesus giving up on me.
The Truth is that He died, sacrificed everything, and took the world's brokenness upon Himself so that He could know my shattered heart and help mend it back together again.
So I'm choosing to rejoice in my brokenness. My prayer is that He will take my shattered heart, my dying body, and my distorted mind, and He will heal them into something NEW. Something that looks a whole lot different than before. Something a whole lot like HIM.
2 Corinthians 12:9 "Each time He said, 'My grace is all you need. My power is made perfect in your weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."
If HE is the Master, I have to give Him EVERY shattered piece of me. Only He can piece together bit by bit, something brand new and beautiful.... until it becomes His m a s t e r p i e c e
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Justice versus Comfort
Sometimes the fear of what I will miss out on keeps me in a phase of hesitation towards Africa...
Little things I love like hot showers after long runs. Or ice cream cones. Or the friends I'll leave behind.
The list is much longer than that. Some things are silly like ice cream but some are more serious like relationships.
These comforts and things I love and hold tightly to are so little on the big scale of eternity... But sometimes they feel so heavy that they turn into fear which leads to doubt.
But God has been whispering something into my heart recently...
I am made for so much more than the average and comfortable life. I have one life on earth and I can use it however I choose. I'm deciding to live it with and FOR Jesus. I will give justice to the oppressed and rescue the afflicted. I will wash the feet of the dirty and give hope to the broken. I surrender the things I cannot see and the pain I cannot change. I want God MORE. More than comfortable, more than a husband, more than easy, more than a known future, more than answers, more than anything.
And I can't gain without a sacrifice..... He sacrificed EVERYTHING for me, surely I can give up nothing less.
As God continues to give me a heart for J U S T I C E, these things I hold onto seem less and less important.
Saving a life and spreading His hope far outweighs me getting something I "want".
And what's even more beautiful? As I follow His plan and surrender my own, He WILL give me the desires of my heart. Because He will make my heart more like HIS. And THAT, is what I need.
Little things I love like hot showers after long runs. Or ice cream cones. Or the friends I'll leave behind.
The list is much longer than that. Some things are silly like ice cream but some are more serious like relationships.
These comforts and things I love and hold tightly to are so little on the big scale of eternity... But sometimes they feel so heavy that they turn into fear which leads to doubt.
But God has been whispering something into my heart recently...
I am made for so much more than the average and comfortable life. I have one life on earth and I can use it however I choose. I'm deciding to live it with and FOR Jesus. I will give justice to the oppressed and rescue the afflicted. I will wash the feet of the dirty and give hope to the broken. I surrender the things I cannot see and the pain I cannot change. I want God MORE. More than comfortable, more than a husband, more than easy, more than a known future, more than answers, more than anything.
And I can't gain without a sacrifice..... He sacrificed EVERYTHING for me, surely I can give up nothing less.
As God continues to give me a heart for J U S T I C E, these things I hold onto seem less and less important.
Saving a life and spreading His hope far outweighs me getting something I "want".
And what's even more beautiful? As I follow His plan and surrender my own, He WILL give me the desires of my heart. Because He will make my heart more like HIS. And THAT, is what I need.
Monday, July 1, 2013
He's a lot like the O C E A N
I couldn't seem to get out of this funk I found myself in... I felt restless and needed some time away from reality. So naturally, I drove to the beach.
When I drove up near the coast and heard the waves I immediately pulled into the first public access I could find. I parked my car, grabbed my towel, and darted for the white sand.
I arrived right as the sun was going down and got some quality time to read in peace before dusk.
Colors started to shine out of the painted clouds above the blue-green salty water and I sprinted back to my car to drop off my things. Jesus and I were about to have some serious time together walking on the beach into the sunset.
I began my journey on the soft sand and began to pray.
All I heard were waves crashing upon the shore and rushing water over my toes. P E A C E
I walked and walked and walked and walked some more until finally the colors were so magnificent in the sky I wanted to cry. Before I knew it, the rainbow clouds turned into a black sky full of radiant s t a r s glowing above the water.
I realized something: He's a lot like the ocean.
As I looked to my left and saw only water for miles upon miles, I saw Him in the endless sea. He is so vast and deep... we can never fully understand all that He is or all the mystery that He contains. But He is beautiful... So, so beautiful.
He just calls me to walk the shore alongside Him.
The waves never stop crashing upon the shore. They are always singing... He is always speaking. With every wave, He shares a little more of who He is.
Sometimes they just reach my toes. Sometimes they come up to my knees. And sometimes they even splash me in the face.
And the best part is that He will ALWAYS bring me back to Himself... The waves are, without question, every time, pulled back into the ocean.
As I walk with Him next to me, He will never leave or stop being who He is. I just need to keep walking... Trusting that He will continue to splash me with His love as I walk towards the Son.
When I drove up near the coast and heard the waves I immediately pulled into the first public access I could find. I parked my car, grabbed my towel, and darted for the white sand.
I arrived right as the sun was going down and got some quality time to read in peace before dusk.
Colors started to shine out of the painted clouds above the blue-green salty water and I sprinted back to my car to drop off my things. Jesus and I were about to have some serious time together walking on the beach into the sunset.
I began my journey on the soft sand and began to pray.
All I heard were waves crashing upon the shore and rushing water over my toes. P E A C E
I walked and walked and walked and walked some more until finally the colors were so magnificent in the sky I wanted to cry. Before I knew it, the rainbow clouds turned into a black sky full of radiant s t a r s glowing above the water.
I realized something: He's a lot like the ocean.
As I looked to my left and saw only water for miles upon miles, I saw Him in the endless sea. He is so vast and deep... we can never fully understand all that He is or all the mystery that He contains. But He is beautiful... So, so beautiful.
He just calls me to walk the shore alongside Him.
The waves never stop crashing upon the shore. They are always singing... He is always speaking. With every wave, He shares a little more of who He is.
Sometimes they just reach my toes. Sometimes they come up to my knees. And sometimes they even splash me in the face.
And the best part is that He will ALWAYS bring me back to Himself... The waves are, without question, every time, pulled back into the ocean.
As I walk with Him next to me, He will never leave or stop being who He is. I just need to keep walking... Trusting that He will continue to splash me with His love as I walk towards the Son.
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