We're only human. We can't run forever.
Many times, we don't even realize that we're running away. Until one day when you've been forced to slow down, you're face to face with this destruction in your life... It's around you, it's inside you, and it's behind you.
Things you were sure you conquered years ago, memories you wanted so badly to push away because you were "over them", shame from actions against you that you didn't have control over, pain in the deep places of your heart you thought was healed because you no longer felt it, addictions you thought were long gone because you hadn't struggled in so long....
But the TRUTH,
The REALITY,
when life gets paused and you're no longer able to fill up every minute with work, school, laughter, media, and people. Or for me, when the plan you had been banking your entire life on gets interrupted....
you see that the pain is still there. Those memories are still haunting. The bitterness has been chewing away your heart. Like a desolate wilderness, a forest fire had been devouring all these parts of me I was running from.
How did I get here?
Because I r a n.
For ten years I've run from house to house, person to person, hobby to hobby. I thought when pain was absent, that meant I was healed. But that's like trying to say that when oxygen is present, your breathing is 100% fine.... but what if your lungs are collapsing? The presence of oxygen has no reason to indicate your breathing will be ensured if something is wrong with you and your lungs.
Would you spend all your time trying to adjust the oxygen levels around you?
Or would you go straight to your lungs, where the problem truly lies?
Instead, we go from breathing machine to breathing machine. It sustains us for a bit, then we need another.
So many of us do this with our lives.
We do everything we can to change our circumstance, tweak our environments, and even fix the people around us. And it works for awhile. We stop feeling pain, we feel happiness and peace... But it never lasts. And eventually we're left searching for the next outward variable that needs changed.
All the while, we're completely ignoring the destruction of our life source: our breathing.... our hearts.
How silly it sounds. But how often I do this.
Jesus makes it abundantly clear that HE is the only source of living water... Water that has the ability to satisfy us forever, not just for a season. But we must be willing to stop running, to let ourselves get a drink from the proper source.
But that means we have to stop distracting ourselves from our pain. We have to come face to face with our pasts. We must feel the hurt we've suppressed for years. We have to let HIM fill us up.
It's the scariest, hardest, most painful thing I have ever had to do. But I trust God that freedom is worth every tear. And if I get more of Him and His presence close to my heart, I'll do whatever it takes...
Even if that means to stop running.
As I just finished reading Isaiah, God has spoken this truth over and over and over again: He DELIGHTS in rescuing you... In rescuing me. He will do whatever it takes. He wants you home. He cares about YOU, not what you're caught up in, trapped inside, or addicted to.
I'll save my next post for that topic :)
God is faithful, and He has beautiful things for you. Stop running and perfecting your oxygen, face the wound inside.
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