Just Walk With Me

So I find myself here.

In the messiest, most unknown, challenging, and painful place I've ever been at in life.

For the first time, I don't know what's next. I don't have the slightest bit of an answer.

There are a hundred different paths in front of me. Each one holding massive amounts of fear, but each containing so much beauty as well.

It's funny as I realize how much my identity was wrapped into what others wanted and what I was doing, rather than who God created me to be.  As I'm stripped of everything I had planned, I've had no other choice than to ask God exactly who I am in Him.

As I ask Him every day to tell me, He not only answers my prayers, but He SHOWS me who HE is... and who I am because of it. 

The more honest and vulnerable I am with the broken condition of my heart, the more His grace comes flooding into every part of me. It's at my dirtiest that I experience his love the deepest. Yet, I spend so much time trying to do, look, overcome, fix, and BE better.

When in reality, my heart was designed to personally receive his love in it's exact condition... He made me this way (soul, heart, and body)  for a specific and exact purpose that can only be accomplished through EVERY PIECE of my flawed, imperfect, and unique existence. I've been fighting to get to a place that makes me more "lovable"... but He says: You've never been more lovable than at your most youiest. Resting in my broken ME-ness is where I'm most capable of receiving His perfect love.

So here I am... the farthest from order and known I've ever been, but the closest to Jesus I've ever found myself. If there's one thing He has spoken over me all day every day, it's this: Just walk with Me.

He doesn't ask me to get it all together before I can live. He just asks me to walk with Him through the process. When I finally accepted that promise, freedom broke off the heavy and overwhelming chains of worry and fear. I can do anything, I can go anywhere, I can face any fear, I can confront  the scariest pains of my past, and I can walk through any storm... because He is walking WITH me.

My mistake was seeking all the answers.
My answer was seeking Him instead.
He cares way more about our hearts than our circumstances and time frames.

He loves me deeper than I'll ever understand. All I have to do to receive it is BE... and nevertheless be ME? With every flaw, fear, and issue.... He is so relentless in pursuing my heart. It brings me to my knees as I ask Him WHY, Jesus? Why, even here at my messiest, do you love me still?
And through every cloud in the evening sky, every person He sends my way, and each promise He reminds me of, He whispers:  

Because you're Mine.


Romans 12:1-2