2013 in Review

As I was spending some time with Jesus in worship today and reflecting on just how much happened in 2013, I realized a reoccurring theme in the insanity of this year:

No matter how positive I was that I was supposed to do something, God had a different plan. And no matter how many times I thought I knew better than Him, God knew best. And every time He would rip away my plans, He would ask me: "daughter, will you trust me?" And with every painful cry of "Yes, Daddy." I whispered, I fell in love with Him deeper. 


My plans went ALL over the place, but God continued to know better and redirect me again and again...

Indiana, Auburn, School, Oklahoma, Toledo, South Africa, Marriage, Rehab, Uganda... 

Those are just a fewwwwww of the major things that I did or did not have planned, that God turned around BIG TIME.

Don't get me wrong, every single time my plan got ripped away, I freaked out. I questioned God, I got angry, I stomped my feet, I cried, I didn't understand... But I still held onto Him tighter than anything else through it all, and He always proved Himself to be faithful. His plan truly was WAY better than mine every time.

Because HIS plan looks like a journey to HIS heart. 
Whereas the plans we make for ourselves tend to look more like the quickest possible route to our destination. 

HE IS the destination. But He also is the journey.

We complicate it by building our own plans and expecting them to come through and play out like we want.
But life doesn't work that way. And God surely doesn't work that way. 

I'm not saying this next year to make your resolution to have no plans... But rather than stomping our feet and screaming at God when our plans don't come through, rejoice in the fact that God is redirecting us back to HIS plan. 

One of the biggest comforts of my soul is knowing that NOTHING is useless when Jesus is involved. No matter how far away you think you are from God's plan, if you just seek Him, you're already walking in it. 

And how silly of us to think that somehow we can mess up God's plan. Like the Creator of everything GOOD will somehow not be able to knit together beauty out of our mess? HA, yeah right. He promises us in Romans 8:28 that He's beyond capable.

I fell more in love with Jesus than I knew was possible this year.
I cried more tears than I thought I ever would.
I felt pain deeper than I knew a heart could feel.
I experienced grace more than I ever thought I could.
I learned more about God and life and myself and others than I ever expected.
I found joy that I didn't know could exist.
I found life that I didn't think was possible to live.

A song I wrote in the middle of a tear-filled night with Jesus and my guitar around 1am says these words:
"I'm at my strongest when I'm at my weakest.
You draw the closest when my pain cuts the deepest.
I'll rejoice in suffering if it makes me more like Jesus."

So I'm starting this year with the knowledge that the only concrete assurance I have about tomorrow is that God will be right there loving me again and again until the sun sets and the stars come out.

What will happen? Who will I meet? Where will I go?

I have absolutely no idea :)
And I'm totally okay with that for the first time in my life.

Because God proved to me time and time again over these last 365 days that He knows what He's doing. And I just have to walk with Him and keep chasing Him for the next 365 days.

So bring on the adventures, trials, challenges, steps of faith, and fears to face... because they will all bring me closer to Jesus.

Praying for whoever is reading these words to find HIM in this new year... To fall in love with the author of time and creator of good. Love and blessings to ya'll!

-Han