F for Effort

Ya know those habits, relationships, addictions, or thought patterns you just can't seem to ever get rid of?

The ones that just when you think they're gone for good, try to creep their way back in?

They feel good. They feel right. But they are so dangerously deadly.
Sometimes they are so obviously wrong, toxic, foolish and terrible for us, but we hopelessly feel trapped by them anyway. Either way, call it what you will, justify it how you will, or ignore it if you want, but these things are Satan's greatest victories over us. If he can get you to justify or accept these things/actions/relationships, he can keep your focus off of Jesus just enough to  keep you trapped in sin and far from God's presence.

Whether it's pornography or a toxic relationship or an unhealthy obsession with anything other than Jesus:

ALL of us have them. And whatever habit, thing, or person you can't get out of your head right now... That's IT.

For those that are living in congruence with the world and it's standards, they can make themselves nice and cozy in these prison cells... because what reason would they have for forfeiting their feelings and pleasure for God's will?

But for those of us who have tasted even the tiniest bit of God's goodness, we KNOW the tension that exists with these issues. We want them GONE for good because we know it's what is best, but our flesh wants them to stay because it feels like what is best in the moment.

Our nature inclines us to think that perhaps we know better than God, perhaps our feelings hold purpose beyond the truth, or perhaps it's hopeless to try because "it" or "he" or "she" will just come back anyway.

In these last couple days I've been fighting this battle with my own prison cells... literally fighting with God. I've come to Him desperate, I've come to Him angry, I've come to Him asking WHY? Why won't He just take it away, why can't I be strong enough to conquer this for good, why does it always come back?

Because, honestly, it seems like the harder I try, the deeper I fall.

I was driving around in my car during one of these arguments with God pretty pissed off about these prison cells that have held me captive for years. "God, I'm trying SO HARD. I'm giving this everything I've got. WHY is it still there? Don't you want freedom for me?"

Then I heard his still and bold whisper...
"YOU can never try hard enough. Only I can do this in you.   Just   seek    me."

No matter how many times I hear this, learn this, or am told this, I seem to always forget it.

God so patiently redirects me time and time again back to Himself and His presence. The answer is never found in my fight against my sin, but in my determined and immovable dedication to seeking HIM. 

Stop trying harder, and start seeking deeper.

Freedom from those prison cells is found in HIM, healing from your past is found in HIM, wholeness from your broken choices is found in HIM, fulfillment in your emptiness is found in HIM.

Victory is found in HIM. 

The more time we spend in His presence and seek Him out, the more His presence will carry us through the rest of our days... the more we will FEEL Him in our moments of weakness. The more we will sense His spirit next to us in our everyday breathing and living and doing. 

Seek Him FIRST, and strength will follow.
Rather than being strong first, hoping His presence and freedom will follow.

The more you seek Him, the more you'll feel Him.

It's a simple concept that requires great discipline. We get it backwards just about every time. But everyday I pray this to Him again:

"Jesus, today I will stop seeking answers, and I will seek YOU instead."