Chasing Mystery

It's so funny sometimes when we are convinced God is quiet, but really we are just not trusting in what He already said.

He is so patient. He is so good. He is so detailed in His planning, yet so simple in His instruction. I was reminded this morning of His simplicity while drinking hot coffee and sharing delicious breakfast with a dear, sweet sister of mine:

"It is so simple. He didn't make us to know and plan out the next step; He made us to know Him right now."

He gives us today, and He gives us Himself. We are not promised tomorrow, so why do we agonize over tomorrow's agenda?

We make everything SO complicated when, the entire time, He has made it all so simple. Gods' promises never change, but thankfully, in the process, we do. 

We learn something in the process that we never could discover apart from walking in it. We learn trust, we learn faith, we learn patience, we learn love. We learn how to see with our hearts instead of with our eyes. 

But generally, we immediately assume He has changed His mind or forgotten about us-- we discard His faithfulness, His promises, His instruction, His voice, His leading-- whenever things start to take a turn; whenever things don't add up or seem logical. But when was His path ever supposed to make sense? Supernatural stories require natural situations in need of a miracle. Those moments where something seems completely hopeless, irreversible, & impossible-- God says: "FINALLY! Now it's my turn." 

This journey next to Jesus was supposed to be so ILLOGICAL to the world that His miraculous provision filling in the gaps caused the only logical response of following Him and worshiping Him more. Dare I say that a life without unknown is the most dangerous path a believer could be on. When I read scripture, the only thing that is ever KNOWN and PROMISED is God, what He has promised, and what He decides. As His kids, we are blessed enough to have something unshakable to hold onto in the midst of such a shaking world. But we immediately believe when we feel the shaking underneath our feet that our only source of "known" has failed us as well. But has He really failed? Or have our expectations? His thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not our ways. So why do we constantly try to fit HIS ways into ours? They'll never fit, because they were never meant to. His plans are too big and beautiful and infectiously incredible to squeeze into our limited logic.

God designed our hearts to see things that our human eyes cannot. In fact, our hearts see the clearest by having our eyes closed the tightest. What do we receive through the Holy Spirit? A new HEART or a new set of eyes? Yet, for comfort and affirmation, we often search for signs so our eyes can fully believe our heart's vision.  But God tells us that we need faith, not sight. Faith is vision to the heart. I am not great at this; but I am learning. And He is the best teacher.

Who He is and what He said cannot be taken away. If He told you something, it will come to be. It doesn't matter what seems to be in the way; He is orchestrating a path to it anyway.

But we have to be okay with not knowing or seeing the path to get there... we have to fall in love with the unknown, the process, the journey. The more that I fall in love with the heart of God, the less I am concerned about what is to come. Because He is really all we were ever created to need, know, and do life alongside.

The only thing that shakes our faith and creates worry on the journey is our distrust in His plan. Our circumstances do not invoke panic and fear; rather, we allow them to. Surely, we think we can do it better, get there through a faster or more adequate way, or understand clearer than God. Sounds an awful lot like Eve's thought process too, huh? Our greatest issue of sin is always rooted in doubt. Doubting that what God first declared is best, and believing a different way could be better.


Once I stopped striving to see my future and embraced the step in front of me, all worry deceased. Our job is not to figure out what's next, it is to simply be where we are. Even if that looks terrifying, challenging, impossible, illogical, or irresponsible to the world.

I am learning to BE EXCITED in that mystery; rather than overwhelmed. My soul knows that it is loved and known by my Creator... What do I really have to worry about? Embracing that freely finally allows you to dance where you are. Trust in His timing. He will tell you when to leave and when to stay. Just be close to Him. That's all that's ever mattered.

Falling in love requires mystery, wonder, and discovery. Falling in love with Him, falling in love with your spouse, falling in love with your life, falling in love with His plan, falling in love with the process.

He designed the unknown to be an opportunity for deeper love. It really always, always comes back to love. Many people never experience a love like this because they are too afraid to live a life without mystery. But it is worth the choice to be brave. It is worth the unknown journey. It is worth the unmarked timetables. It is worth the adventure of mystery. Explore places and people and processes with Jesus. The greater the mystery ahead, the deeper the love waiting to be found.

Fall in love with the process, and you'll fall in love with the hand leading you every step of the way...Because the sweet colors He uses to paint the blank spaces will lead you to fall at His feet in thankfulness and wonder. I am reminded day after day it always must come back to Him... Not the path, not the promise, not the worry, not the shaky circumstance, not the struggle, not anything else but Him and His heart. 


Day after day as I walk with Him; in darkness and in light-- I find all the more that He is so worth trusting, friends. He loves you; Let Him show you.

-Han

No Fear in Love

I woke up at 2 am with a stomping heart beat and extreme terror pounding in my chest. I tried to calm myself down, but it kept thumping all the louder.

A loud voice shouted "DON'T GO" and resounded echoes of fear down my spine. The more I fought it, the louder the voice got. 

I thought at first the voice was God warning me not to go on this adventure out west I was leaving for a few hours later. But I couldn't understand why He wouldn't want me to go. And before I knew it, my heart was questioning not only the trip, but who I was, what my life was for, and everything in general. All my confidence, direction, passion, mission, identity was somehow a twisted question instead of a definite answer.

My heart stampeded so hard and loud I got out of my phone to dial 911 because I thought I may be having a heart attack. But then I heard a familiar whisper in the dark room where I laid that I had heard months before:

"You are going to die."

With a heart racing and sweat forming along my forehead, I remembered who told me that six months before-- the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I commanded Satan to leave because Jesus was with me. An unknown voice that causes you to question your worth and your mission in Christ is always from hell, never from God. Simple as that.

I found peace, and laid back down before my 4:17am alarm was set to go off. But I couldn't sleep. Even though I wasn't afraid anymore, my heart was still beating bass notes out my chest. I laid there for about fifteen minutes inhaling deeply and praying Psalm 91 out loud. Finally, I realized it wasn't going to stop. So I said screw this; I'm just gonna get ready and go right now on this trip. You won't let me sleep, Satan? Fine, I'll just go do the very thing you are trying to terrify me out doing. 

I packed up my car early, and pulled out the snowy driveway. The first 20 miles held even more obstacles. I spun out, not one but TWO semis almost ran me off the road, a literal blockade of icy snow about fifty feet high closed the highway off; but I was determined to go forward and not let fear stop me. My heart continued beating like a punching bag, but I realized what was happening.

Just the night before, I wrote a page for my book about the powerlessness of FEAR. How it can never actually STOP you, it can only SCARE you into stopping. And Satan wanted to try and prove me wrong by making FEAR appear powerful enough to change reality. I started to laugh and my fear turned into power as I worshipped my Savior and told Satan who He was. The song "No Fear in Love" played through my speakers and it hit me: 

Perfect LOVE casts out all f e a r... God is PERFECT LOVE. He would never tell His children something by scaring them into it. He doesn't operate that way. Satan operates that way.

I found so much courage in that moment. I told Satan the truth without any doubt this time:

"My Father loves me. He will keep me safe. He is with me and on my side. He defeated you. I will not be shaken. Whatever you are trying to prevent from happening on this trip will happen because I'm not giving up."

Whenever Satan is afraid of what you are about to build in God's kingdom, He will do whatever He can to scare you into giving up so that it doesn't get built. But He can't actually keep you from building it, He can only scare you out of continuing construction.

The next song to play was "I'm no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God."

Tears of victory and joy from heaven filled up the presence of my car... my heartbeat returned to peace, and I sang out in confidence.

There's a war that happens for YOUR soul. Let that prove in itself how AMAZING, full of potential, unstoppable, valuable, and precious YOU are. Only that which is PRICELESS is worth fighting wars over. Otherwise, the Enemy would never work so hard to have you. He knows what earth-changing, dark-destroying, beauty-creating, hope-giving, death-reversing, and life-breathing potential flows through your veins. 

Unseen wars are even more dangerous than those that can be seen. Because they're hidden, you have to open up your heart to find them and to fight them. But the good news is that because of Jesus, you can ALWAYS WIN them. Unseen battles make your circumstances look like the battles. But the true battle always lies underneath your circumstance.

The God of Heaven is on YOUR side. You cannot lose when you are His soldier. Don't let something as powerless as fear have power over you. Refuse to allow fear to scare you into giving up. And that choice is the courage that will lead you into beautiful places with Jesus that you never dreamt to find.

-Han